Contentment

1 Timothy 6:6 "But godliness with contentment is great gain."

If there is one thing I have learned over the past few years, it is that life flies by far too fast. All of a sudden, I'm almost 30. I've heard it said that life is short my whole life, but not until now have I realized just how fast it can all fly by. I can hear my Dad saying, "You're only 29, you still have your whole life ahead of you!" And he's right, I am still young, yet this past decade has flown past so fast that my head is still spinning.

Just yesterday it seems, I was 20 years old, in Bible College, full of dreams and expectations for what my life would hold. So far, the only one of those dreams to come to pass is that I got married. Even marriage has not been what I expected.

I have been faced with a decision. To either accept my life and myself just the way I am, and be content and happy and make the most of it, or to wallow in dreams that never came to be and live disappointed, asking "why them and not me?"

Obviously, I chose the former, otherwise I would not be writing right now.

There are some preachers out there who say that to be content with where you are at and what you have in life is to allow your faith to stagnate and stop growing. I have heard some say exactly that. But I must disagree.

Often it takes far more courage and faith to live in the moment, with all its faults and failures, than it does to be constantly straining towards some unseen future. It takes courage to accept that God is in control, no matter what the daily circumstances look like. It takes courage to live through the hard times accepting those as God's will just as much as the blessings. It takes alot to let go of the reins and let God take care of the future and simply live this day to the best of my ability. In fact, without God's help, I can't do that at all. But godliness with contentment is great gain.

If the choice is between pursuing my dreams, even though I believe they were given by God, and living in and experiencing His presence here and now, I chose the presence of God. I will be content just to have the One I love near. I chose to lay those dreams at the foot of the cross, and should He give them back to me some day, that is up to Him, but I will seek only to know Him more and love Him fully.

When the mundane and the mediocre of the life I live right now, so so far from the dreams in my heart, threatened to choke all joy from my every day existence, I embrace them. It seems that they are the cross I am meant to carry for now. Although enduring mediocrity is not worthy of being compared to what Jesus went through for me, and so many have suffered so much more than I can imagine.

The question the Lord is asking me right now is this... "Am I really your heart's desire?"

So I refuse to focus on a future that may never be, and I seek to be content in this ordinary life. I seek to rely on my extraordinary God, with a supernatural faith and an awareness of His presence, so that even the most menial task can be an act of worship.

Even if the dream does not come true, and if my hopes never manifest themselves in everyday life, I will rejoice that my Lord is near, He never leaves me. His presence really is all I need.

My dreams consist of ministry, leading worship, writing books and songs, teaching a generation the ways of God... but it seems that for now, on my knees is the best place I can be. Prayer is the only "ministry" I am currently involved in... and it is a ministry that is open to any and every child of God.